Alternative History

Formed in 1886 by a group of para-military agitants who assumed the name of the nearby South London armaments depot, Woolwich Arsenal. They did so in the hope that deliveries intended for the depot would be re-directed to them for their nefarious activities. Their aim was to take the Football League by storm; however, being based in Plumstead meant that they had a tricky river crossing to make before they reached civilization. They were also known as Dial Square Football Club for a while, after they adopted their sponsor's name into their title (They were a premium cost phone line for the negative, lateral passing game called "Dial Square Football").

Arsenal have always been a rich club. No old leather medicine balls for them in training. Oh, no. They used, their now famous, marble balls of Highbury. In fact, when they wanted to play their football in the most fashionable part of London, the only piece of land available was a large burial mound (High-bury) in an area that was notable for it's mass graves during the Black Death of the 17th Century (i.e. Finsbury, Cannonbury, Gunnersbury). The ground was intended to be built by part-time decorators, but owing to a typographical error in the advertisement, it was built using art deco. Thus, it has the look of a pre-World War II stadium built for dictators on the continent or a base for a tacky table lamp.

The club has always been at the forefront on innovations for the game. They were the first to play a recognised centre-half. They were the first to introduce the twin centre-halves. They became the originators of the three central defender system. One wonders just what they will come up with next !! The finest moment of their history undoubtedly came in 1971, when they completed the "Double" that they have become famous for - beating Tottenham Hotspur home and away. Since then there have been trophies along the way, but they are better known for their humiliating defeats at the hands of lesser opposition in cup competitions at home (York, Wrexham, Millwall) and in Europe (Winterslag, PAOK Salonika, Spartak Moscow). Indeed, they added to their infamous European role of shame by losing a UEFA Cup final to Galatasaray of Turkey in a penalty shoot-out.

Unfairly labelled a 'negative' and 'defensive' team, they seek to recapture the halcyon days of the 1930's when the club was in the ascendancy. Ever since then, they have carried the "Lucky" Arsenal tag, which they stole from Middlesbrough Ironopolis just before they went out of existence. It is rumoured that a horse and cart involved in the construction of Highbury, are interred under the stadium, with their feet pointing upwards so the horseshoes are the right way up. For several years a family of black cats resided in the referee's dressing room, before a complaint to the FA made the club remove them. The strong links with Ireland resulted from the club sending representatives over to find a four leaf clover, but ended up forging an association with Shamrock Rovers. The drafting of players from the Emerald Isle was intended to allow some of the luck of the Irish to rub off on the other squad members.

Since those days, their formerly emerald eyes have strayed to the continent, from where Arsene Winker has looked for young players to boost the squad. Consequently, they have looked a cosmopolitan side at home and poor away in Europe. This culminated in a Champions League final defeat to Barcelona, meaning they had lost in the final of each European competition.

Overall, a team that is much loved throughout the country and one that everybody loves to see do well.

FAMOUS PLAYERS :- Willie Young, Gus Caeser, Terry Neill, David Price, Canon B.O. Ring Esq., Malcolm Webster, David Hillier, Francis Jeffers.

FAMOUS FANS : - Jeremy Beadle [deceased] (TV Prankster), Melvyn Bragg (TV Presenter and author); Rory McGrath (Comedian); Frankie Dettori (Jockey); Aled Jones (child soprano, TV Presenter - BBC "Songs Of Praise"); David Miliband MP; Peter Hyman MP; Damon Hill (former racing driver); Patsy Palmer (actress - BBC TV "EastEnders"); Jo Guest (Former glamour model); Osama Bin Laden [deceased] (Al Queda terrorist leader); Piers Morgan (former Daily Mirror Editor and TV presenter); Nick Hornby (writer); Stavros Flately (bad X Factor dancer).

Formed	1886
Turned Professional	1891
Became a Limited Company	1893
Previous names	Dial Square 1886 Royal Arsenal 1886-91 Woolwich Arsenal 1891-1914
Previous grounds	Plumstead Common 1886-87 Sportsman Ground 1887-88 Manor Ground 1888-1890 Invicta Ground 1890-1893 Manor Ground 1893-1913
Nickname	"The GUNNERS"
Club Colours	HOME : Shirts - Red with white sleeves Shorts - White Socks - Red with white turnover AWAY : Shirts - Yellow with blue trim Shorts - Blue Socks - Yellow with blue turnover
Record Premier League Win	6-1 v Middlesbrough Away 24.4.1999
Record Premier League Defeat	2-8 v Manchester United Away 28.8.2011
Record Football League Win	12-0 v Loughborough Town Div. 2 12.3.1900
Record Football League Defeat	0-8 v Loughborough Town Div. 2 12.12.1896
Record Cup Win	11-1 Darwen FAC R3 9.1.1932
Record Fee Paid	£13 million to Bordeaux for Sylain WILTORD (August 2000)
Record Fee Received	£25 million from Barcelona for Marc OVERMARS (July 2000)
Record Football League Appearances	558 - David O'LEARY (1975-93)
Record Premier League Appearances	242 - Nigel WINTERBURN (1992-99)
Record Premier League goal-scorer	104 - Ian WRIGHT (1992-98)
Record goal-scorer in a Premier League season	30 - Ian WRIGHT (1992-93)
Record goal-scorer in a season	42 - Ted DRAKE Division 1 1934-35
Record all-time goalscorer	185 Ian WRIGHT (1991-98)
Most goals in one match	7 - Ted DRAKE v Aston Villa 14.12.1935
Record Home Attendance (all-time)	73,295 v Sunderland Div. 1 9.3.1935 75,707 v RC Lens CL 25.11.1998 (Wembley)
Record Premier League Attendance	38,377 v Tottenham Hotspur 29.4.1995
Record Match receipts	£392,726.50 v Sampdoria (ECWC SF L1) 6.4.1995
Record total of goals in a Premier League season	68 - 1997-98, 38games
Record total of goals in a League season	127 - Division 1 1930-31
Record Premier League points total	78 - 1997-98, 38 games 78 - 1998-99, 38 games
Record League points total	2 for a win : 66 - Division 1 1930-31 3 for a win : 83 - Division 1 1990-91
Most Capped player while at club	Kenny SAMSON 77 (England)

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